Grow My Life – Motivational Life Coaching & Counseling

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“Courage does not always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying – I’ll try again tomorrow”
-Unknown
The “Survivor”
Most leaders can share stories of overcoming personal challenges to explain the influences in their lives that helped shape their character.  We hear recurring themes of how facing life’s challenges prepared them to become  strong, confident leaders who are able to guide modern organizations through difficult times.  Stories about leaders who came from humble beginnings and eventually achieved great success can be very inspirational.  However, we don’t often hear the story about the rare person who, despite being raised in the midst of a violent and drug-infested urban environment, decides that he will no longer settle for living in these conditions and takes action to change his circumstances.  He might not have a seat in the boardroom, but in his own special way the “survivor” is  every bit a role model and a leader.  This is the story of Justin – an individual, an artist, and a “survivor”.

A not-so-charming part of “Charm City”
One of seven children born into a struggling family, Justin spent most of his early childhood surviving life in one of the most neglected and dangerous urban environments in Baltimore City.  As a young boy, Justin was well aware of the reality that life in his part of “Charm City” involved a great deal of physical and mental pain.  He also knew that his friends and other people in his neighborhood would likely never know true happiness.   “Is this how everyone lives”, he would frequently wonder.  From his street in West Baltimore, Justin would look at the nearby skyline of Baltimore’s Inner Harbor and imagine what life in that part of the City must be like.
“As I grew, so did my experiences with pain and dark times”, recalls Justin who was partying and experimenting with drugs by the time he was a teenager.   As he and his friends became young adults, Justin watched helplessly as a lack of hope began to overtake the people closest to him.  With barely a high school education there were few options for work in his area of Baltimore.  Drugs were everywhere and Justin drifted through days at a time high on whatever was available.  Then, in 2006 he met Denyse, another urban survivor.  But Denyse had survived more than the urban despair that Justin was familiar with.  Denyse came from a home full of abuse and neglect.  Justin realized that despite all he had experienced growing up, he hadn’t known what real pain was until hearing her story.  Shortly after they met, Justin’s protective instinct took over, his drug use slowed down and he made a commitment that no matter what happened he would always be by Denyse’s side.
It wasn’t long until Justin and Denyse, along with her two babies, began living together.  With a basic high school education, a police record and little chance of employment, Justin and his young family continued the cycle that was started generations earlier of entire families living in poverty in and around Baltimore City.  Like many urban environments, Baltimore contains areas of sharp contrast where the most dangerous and blighted neighborhoods exist just a few blocks from well-maintained communities of wealth and affluence.  Justin was becoming aware of the divide that existed in his city and he wanted more than anything to be able to provide a better life for his family.   “Often times we had no food to eat…we slept on a pile of clothes for a while before we had a mattress.  There were nights when the children had no diapers, and nights when I contemplated suicide to end the pain I was feeling” recalls Justin.
Depressed and feeling a deep sense of hopelessness, Justin began to retreat back into his familiar world of drugs and alcohol.  He spent most days either drunk or high and became overwhelmed by the intense mental pain he was feeling. Like his friends, Justin was falling into the trap of believing that this harsh urban environment was where he was destined to live out his life, however short it might end up being. “I was unemployed for two years”, says Justin.  “Most days I would just sleep until two or three in the afternoon, I was in bad shape”.  Miserable and unhappy, he knew he was slowly killing his body and his mind.  Justin felt a very strong need to take care of his family.  However with no job, no money, and his relationship with Denyse quickly going downhill, the drugs and alcohol were always there to help him forget about his inability to meet these growing responsibilities.  He was out of control and was facing the possibility of losing the only good thing that he had in his life.  Something had to change.  Justin knew he was on a ride that would most definitely end with his early death.

The “Rebirth of Crazy”
“Just before Christmas of 2008 I was walking through the mall with no money in my pocket.  Other families were buying bags full of presents.  But Denyse and I couldn’t afford a tree that year and all we could get for the kids was a single shirt for each one”.  On Christmas Day, Justin sat alone on his front steps feeling ashamed that he was unable to buy any gifts for his family.  With only a few dollars in his pocket, he just wanted to disappear, to no longer exist.  At 21 years of age, he realized that he had already hit bottom.  He needed to get himself clean if he wanted to live to see his thirties.  Justin tells the story that a feeling just came over him as he sat there and he suddenly had the realization that life was a gift, and he had been throwing his away.  He made a silent vow to stop using drugs and to find some way to make a better life for himself and his family.
The day after Christmas, Justin walked to a store and with his last few dollars bought a sketchbook and some pencils.  He had loved to draw as a child and had taken art classes in school, but he had not drawn anything for years.  When he returned home he sat alone in his kitchen and thought of everything he had experienced in his two decades of life in West Baltimore.  All around him, life had been difficult.  As images of suffering, pain and despair flooded his mind, he began to draw, letting the images escape through his pencil and onto the paper of his sketchbook.  Dark and confusing characters filled the page.  Justin began to realize that he had something meaningful to say about his life and the urban environment that had taken its toll on so many others.
His first piece was a drawing he titled “The Rebirth of Crazy” and was a metaphor for his own transformation and determination to make a permanent change for the better.  “When I was a kid, people used to tell me I had a crazy imagination” Justin remembers.  “I guess that first drawing was the rebirth of the wild imagination I had”.  Life in the neighborhoods in and around West Baltimore is a common theme in Justin’s work.  For inspiration, he simply recalls his personal experiences and observes what is happening around him.  Justin doesn’t begin with an idea for a drawing, but rather uses a stream-of-consciousness process where he lets his emotions dictate what he draws.  Whatever comes into his mind goes into his sketchbook.  The result is a graphic collage of Justin’s thoughts, drawn as words and images in a style that might be considered similar to that of a comic book illustration.
At first glance, the works appear almost “child-like”.  However, as you explore the details of the drawings in more depth, you begin to see Justin’s message being revealed.  The images that are created overlap and transform from recognizable and familiar to distorted forms that then morph once again back into other familiar images.  The themes of his work are understandably “dark” and it is obvious that they were drawn by someone who has experienced a great deal of pain in his short life.  “For me, drawing became a way to escape from the neighborhood” says Justin about his artwork.  “With some pencils and a piece of paper I could express all of the things that I felt about the urban condition”.

“Urban Art”
When speaking about the urban environment that he is desperately trying to get out of, Justin is very aware of the negativity that exists in his community.  “Talking with my neighbors makes me realize how much people have just given up hope.  No one has dreams, ambitions, or goals. They all just settle for the life they have…like they aren’t able to change it.  It’s really sad.”  Justin says he is concerned about the affect his community’s negativity will have on his children.
“I told myself I had to do something for my family and for this community.  One day I was sitting outside looking around at my neighborhood.  I realized that the urban environment is like a collage”,  Justin’s says to describe the brainstorm he had.  “Different characters and images merged into one scene to create a complex picture that on the surface looks like chaos, but then you realize that there are a lot of little individual drawings within the scene.” He calls his work “Urban Art”.

“Each of the drawings conveys multiple feelings with several layers to discover, some good and some bad, just like the urban environment”, Justin observes.  “Rather than sit around and complain, I want to help make a difference in my own way” he says referring to his recent emergence as an Urban Artist.  Justin says that some people will appreciate the complexity of the message in his work while others will dislike it.  He accepts that.  He says he creates his art as a form of self-expression, it is not necessarily meant for other people.
Justin tells me that he hopes someone will see his work and take an interest in his story and be curious about the meaning behind his drawings.  He would be thrilled to be able to sell his creations to help earn money to move his family and to help the people in his community.  He has decided to donate a portion of whatever he sells to a local charity that will help the people of West Baltimore.  Eventually, he hopes to sell enough of his art to be able to provide a better life for himself, Denyse, and their two young children.
When asked to summarize how he views his work, Justin offered this final thought, “At first glance it all looks like chaos, but when you look closer you can see that each image is unique.  They all have their own meanings but have been thrown in together so it is hard to see one individual image.  This is what my neighborhood is like.  Urban Art is just me drawing pictures of my life.”
Now 23 years old, Justin and his family still live in the West Baltimore community.  He continues to draw images of his neighborhood and the memories that fill his mind.  “I know I still have a lot of demons to get over”, he says “but I know I can’t change the past so I just try to think about making things better in the future“.   Once he was clean of drugs, Justin took some training classes and became a Patient Care Technician.  Today he works at an outpatient clinic taking care of dialysis patients.
Justin is still determined to find people who are interested in his art and appreciate the intense emotions that give each piece its special meaning.  He believes that his is a true art form because it comes directly from his heart.  It is an expression of his real life experiences surviving for more than two decades in parts of Baltimore City that are so dangerous the police will rarely go there after dark.  With his children now 2 and 4 years old, Justin has gotten his life back under control and has taken personal responsibility for getting his young family out of their current situation.
After overcoming incredible odds and changing a path that would have likely ended with Justin in jail or dead by now, the 23 year old artist says he is optimistic and hopeful that Urban Art will be the vehicle to help move his family to a safe neighborhood.  “I want my kids to be able to go to the playground and not have to watch out for needles“, Justin tells me “and I never want them to wonder what happiness feels like.“

Author’s Note
While Justin is an acquaintance who I am honored to have recently gotten to know through this article, I would never have guessed that he came from the background that he described.  He is a polite, well-mannered, articulate young man who always has something positive to say and is quick to help anyone who needs assistance.
Justin has seen and done things that I can’t even imagine.  Yet through it all he managed to keep his spirit in tact while those around him simply resigned themselves to the life they were “destined” to live.  It has been said that “the most difficult leap we’ll ever make is the six inches from our right ear to our left ear.”  What makes one person so determined not to become a statistic?  I wish I had the answer.
I hope the readers of this story will appreciate Urban Art for what it represents and will try to understand the true meaning behind these drawings.  Justin’s story reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by an unknown author: “Roadblocks are not placed in our path to prevent us from reaching our goals, they are placed there to see how determined we are to get to the other side.”   Leaders never let the roadblocks stop their progress.