Grow My Life – Motivational Life Coaching & Counseling

Recent news articles in the Central Wisconsin newspaper, highlighted trends of increased domestic violence and divorce rates in the state of Wisconsin.  As the economy continues to affect families and create desperate home environments, families are feeling the intense pressure build up, ultimately leading to a blow-up and/or melt-down.  Family violence can occur in many different forms, in single incidences, or over the entire family lifespan.  Characteristics of each type of family violence can help explain the reasons behind our significant others actions, and provide us a tool in assessing warning signs.  In Family Violence across the Lifespan, the characteristics are divided into two continua, legitimate-illegitimate and instrumental-expressive.  What do these two types of continua offer and what then are the warning signs?

Legitimate-expressive is the belief that a person gains pleasure and feels it is better to exert physical violence outward to solve issues.  Legitimate-instrumental is said to be “culturally accepted,” usually in forms of spanking or controlling behavior used in punishment.  Illegitimate-instrumental is usually culturally condemned, and the person committing the violence does so to prevent other bad behavior from occurring.  Lastly, illegitimate-expressive involves expressing anger outwardly without personal reasoning.

There are warning signs within these continua which make one family more prone to violence than another.  When a family member utilizes physical violence outward to solve issues, the amount of time the family spends together can increase the risk of violence outbreaks.  Additionally, the interactions between family members will often be emotionally charged and power struggles between members will create unbalance.  In return, the violent member of the family will feel justification for lashing out physically toward another member.  Sometimes this will occur with physical punishment such as spanking, often spanking will consist of 5 or more contacts to the child, with or without the use of objects.  A general rule of thumb when disciplining using spanking (if you feel this course of discipline benefits your family) is to keep clothing on, not exposing the buttocks, and the number of spanks equals the age of the child.  Spanking should never occur before age 2 as a child does not understand consequences and reasoning behind cause and effect.

Warning Signs -Spanking which bruises or leaves marks on the body – Hitting to the head or face, including tugging or pushing – Aggressive shoving or throwing of household objects – Slamming doors or furniture into a loved one – Telling other family members that “the person is in charge, and they control or make the decisions” – Violence or aggression occurs after alcohol consumption and an increase in violent episodes increases over time – Controlling phrases or behaviors which take away freedoms of other family members – False attempts or raising hands to someone as a threat – Verbal or psychological abuse which degrades other family members

These warning signs are some examples of the thousands that may exist within different family environments, family stressors, cultural make-ups, and attitudes of people.  If you feel you or someone you know is at-risk for family violence, contact your local domestic violence shelter or community resource, or telephone a domestic violence hotline.  No one deserves to be treated as lesser than another.

Family Violence across the Lifespan, (2005) Barnett, O ; Miller-Perrin, Cindy L. ; Perrin, Robin D.