Grow My Life – Motivational Life Coaching & Counseling

As a child I remember my mother telling me “how special I was.”  She often spoke of the choices I would have as a career, if I just stayed in school.  But other times, it was as if she didn’t notice the things I was achieving, or what I really wanted in life.  It wasn’t necessarily her fault, because parents often learn to parent their children, from what they learned of their own parents.  It isn’t surprising that so many parents struggle with difficult children; because we often teach children to be independent, on their best behavior, hold high expectations, and recognize negative behavior more often than positive types.  There are many great parents that provide the appropriate levels of commitment to help a child feel good about themselves.  But sometimes, we forget that there are simple ways to do this with our children, and we need a reminder.

These are 8 steps in helping your child feel good about themselves:

1) Clearly define rules and limits – Consistency, consistency, consistency.  Enforcing appropriate punishment and rewards with fixed timeout’s, must be adhered in a specific manner every time. Also, understand that children cannot always adhere to the strict limits and one must allow for changes for their personal child.

2) Provide children with responsibility activities – A child feels important and valued when given a task or opportunity to which they can receive praise.

3) Have reasonable expectations – All children are not geniuses, model-esq, and cannot perform activities as successfully as adults.  Let children reach attainable goals freely, with your support.

4) Role model well for your child(ren) – Children look-up to their parents and need an example set for behavior.  Teach children right and wrong, and the consequences of mistakes.  Children who learn from their parents about the challenges in life, often far better when faced with adversity.  Give them someone to run to when faced with challenges; and be the parent who practices what they preach.

5) Recognize your child’s emotions, ideas, and feelings – Children often only have their own emotions as a form of communicating their thoughts.  Understanding and listening to your child’s feelings and moods, can help a child understand that you are providing a reciprocal relationship of support.  Treating children with respect can provide healthy communication throughout childhood and adolescence.

6) Spend time together – Make time to get to know your child(ren), free from other disturbances.  Children need attention that is one-on-one, helping them to understand your commitment to your relationship with them.  Be available for support in times of adversity, and allow for debriefing or open communication periods to foster healthy discussions.

7) Provide positive feedback – Seeing a child performing negatively is easier to see, than seeing a positive action.  Look for the positive activities more often, provide feedback on a “job well done”; and you will see a change for the better, in the behavior of your child.

Show how important a child is to you – Children are involved in all sorts of activities.  When parents fail to attend concerts, games, or shows; they can often send a message that equates to failure.  Children do not compute work obligations, even if a parent provides a detailed explanation.  When children are attempting to perform and the other parents of children are providing positive feedback, your child is left feeling unimportant.

These steps are the beginning to forming healthy bonds with children and increasing their self-esteem.  The biggest saboteur of following these steps is: conflicting parenting techniques or failure to follow the same set of rules.  If you are in a dual parent relationships, sit down with your significant other and discuss the new techniques you are going to use in your family.  Understand the background and receive input on each of the ways you wish to improve your relationship with your child; because you may improve the relationship with your significant other also.  Be on the same page, and you will be able to complete the entire chapter together.