Due to the economic conditions in many American families, domestic and interpersonal family violence is on the rise. We may know friends, relatives, or someone in our community who is dealing with this violence; and now is the time to help grow their life, and provide resources.
One question most often asked of a victim of abuse is: “Why do you stay?” The answer is two fold; situational factors and emotional factors. Situational Factors include; financial dependence, fear, safety, fear for children, fear of losing custody of children, social isolation, chronic stress, effects of abuse, cultural and religious constraints, lack of alternative housing, lack of job skills, fear of court involvement, and immigration status. Emotional Factors include; love, guilt about failure of ones marriage, belief that the partner may change, fear of loneliness, ambivalence of making a formidable life change, insecurity of independence and lack of emotional support.
A second question often asked of those wondering if someone is being abused is: “What might be the characteristics of an abuser?” Often abusers do not believe the violent behavior acted out is their fault. They can be charming, manipulative, tend to feel weak or powerless; extremely dependent on nurturing relationships, or they have a fear of losing the relationship which increases their self-doubt. In addition the abuser may be very jealous or possessive, lack proper verbal skills to express their emotions, witnessed domestic violence when they were children; come from families with poor coping and problem solving skills, and have a skewed sense of male/female privilege.
A third question: “What are some warning signs?” Victims may be secretive about home life, chronically depressed, or extremely passive or aggressive. Other warning signs include a partner who exerts unusual amount of control, ridicules often in public, or has unexplainable changes in behavior.
So what is it that you can do to help yourself, family members, or friends; who are affected by intimate partner violence or domestic violence? You can begin by searching out the proper criminal and civil options within our legal system. Compile a list of shelters or relocation efforts for victims and their children. Provide resources of counseling and support groups in your local area and begin safety planning procedures. When discussing this topic, remember that victims may feel embarrassed, responsible, fearful, in denial, and will have extenuating circumstances. Provide them opportunity to tell their story, express their feelings; while expressing concern for their well-being and family, providing a list of helpful resources, and reinforce to the victim that no one deserves to be beaten.
Domestic violence and intimate partner violence can start as an incident, and can easily become a common cycle of violence. Be an advocate and provide assistance to those who are in need. Contact a domestic violence hotline or service center today, to find out more information on how to change a life.
