Legitimate-expressive is the belief that a person gains pleasure and feels it is better to exert physical violence outward to solve issues.  Legitimate-instrumental is said to be “culturally accepted,” usually in forms of spanking or controlling behavior used in punishment.  Illegitimate-instrumental is usually culturally condemned, and the person committing the violence does so to prevent other bad behavior from occurring.  Lastly, illegitimate-expressive involves expressing anger outwardly without personal reasoning.

There are warning signs within these continua which make one family more prone to violence than another.  When a family member utilizes physical violence outward to solve issues, the amount of time the family spends together can increase the risk of violence outbreaks.  Additionally, the interactions between family members will often be emotionally charged and power struggles between members will create unbalance.  In return, the violent member of the family will feel justification for lashing out physically toward another member.  Sometimes this will occur with physical punishment such as spanking, often spanking will consist of 5 or more contacts to the child, with or without the use of objects.  A general rule of thumb when disciplining using spanking (if you feel this course of discipline benefits your family) is to keep clothing on, not exposing the buttocks, and the number of spanks equals the age of the child.  Spanking should never occur before age 2 as a child does not understand consequences and reasoning behind cause and effect.

Warning Signs -Spanking which bruises or leaves marks on the body – Hitting to the head or face, including tugging or pushing – Aggressive shoving or throwing of household objects – Slamming doors or furniture into a loved one – Telling other family members that “the person is in charge, and they control or make the decisions” – Violence or aggression occurs after alcohol consumption and an increase in violent episodes increases over time – Controlling phrases or behaviors which take away freedoms of other family members – False attempts or raising hands to someone as a threat – Verbal or psychological abuse which degrades other family members

These warning signs are some examples of the thousands that may exist within different family environments, family stressors, cultural make-ups, and attitudes of people.  If you feel you or someone you know is at-risk for family violence, contact your local domestic violence shelter or community resource, or telephone a domestic violence hotline.  No one deserves to be treated as lesser than another.

Family Violence across the Lifespan, (2005) Barnett, O ; Miller-Perrin, Cindy L. ; Perrin, Robin D.

I found a few videos regarding violence and anger, and perhaps you may find it useful in managing your life or helping someone on the road to managing theirs.

Anger & Violence 1

Anger & Violence 2

Anger & Violence 3

One question most often asked of a victim of abuse is: “Why do you stay?” The answer is two fold; situational factors and emotional factors.  Situational Factors include; financial dependence, fear, safety, fear for children, fear of losing custody of children, social isolation, chronic stress, effects of abuse, cultural and religious constraints, lack of alternative housing, lack of job skills, fear of court involvement, and immigration status.  Emotional Factors include; love, guilt about failure of ones marriage, belief that the partner may change, fear of loneliness, ambivalence of making a formidable life change, insecurity of independence and lack of emotional support.

A second question often asked of those wondering if someone is being abused is: “What might be the characteristics of an abuser?” Often abusers do not believe the violent behavior acted out is their fault.  They can be charming, manipulative, tend to feel weak or powerless; extremely dependent on nurturing relationships, or they have a fear of losing the relationship which increases their self-doubt.  In addition the abuser may be very jealous or possessive, lack proper verbal skills to express their emotions, witnessed domestic violence when they were children; come from families with poor coping and problem solving skills, and have a skewed sense of male/female privilege.

A third question: “What are some warning signs?” Victims may be secretive about home life, chronically depressed, or extremely passive or aggressive.  Other warning signs include a partner who exerts unusual amount of control, ridicules often in public, or has unexplainable changes in behavior.

So what is it that you can do to help yourself, family members, or friends; who are affected by intimate partner violence or domestic violence? You can begin by searching out the proper criminal and civil options within our legal system.  Compile a list of shelters or relocation efforts for victims and their children.  Provide resources of counseling and support groups in your local area and begin safety planning procedures.  When discussing this topic, remember that victims may feel embarrassed, responsible, fearful, in denial, and will have extenuating circumstances.  Provide them opportunity to tell their story, express their feelings; while expressing concern for their well-being and family, providing a list of helpful resources, and reinforce to the victim that no one deserves to be beaten.

Domestic violence and intimate partner violence can start as an incident, and can easily become a common cycle of violence.  Be an advocate and provide assistance to those who are in need.  Contact a domestic violence hotline or service center today, to find out more information on how to change a life.