All three of these resolutions are great goals for anyone to accomplished. But, a recent online survey indicated, only 42% of resolutions made, are successfully completed. The #1 reason stated as to why the resolution was accomplished: “I sought a professional service to aid me in attaining my goals.”

What is the cause of so many shortfalls in resolution completion? It generally begins with a resolution which may be un-reachable from the beginning. It continues with lack of motivation by friends or family, and regression to prior habits. Does this mean we are all doomed? No. It means that there are simple solutions to help you attain your goals and fulfill your New Year Resolutions.

Solution 1 – Develop a timeline of resolution completion. Recognize that change in habits: eating, smoking, work-out routines, socializing; take a substantial amount of time and conviction.

Solution 2 – Develop resolutions as a pair or with a group. Having partners who vow to attain similar goals, can help in motivation and accountability. Make each resolution personal (such as # of lbs. to be lost), as each person has different limits and capabilities.

Solution 3 – Recognize your resources. You may be able to go to the gym everyday and set a workout plan, but did you find out how to effectively burn the most calories based on your metabolic heart rate? Did you research stretching and warm-up techniques that don’t cause injuries, thus ending your efforts? Search out the experts in the field, buy a book, and read different articles so that you are best equipped to make the most of your time spent.

Solution 4 – Seek out professional guidance. Quitting smoking, gambling, and drinking, are not easily attainable without medical devices and proper therapeutic interventions. It is a rarity when someone quits “cold turkey”.  There may also be substitutions made for the habit, such as binge eating, elevation in stress levels, or dangerous activities.  Having a professional assisting you can enhance your abilities to attain your goals, and keep you well-monitored.

Goals are important in keeping us in-line for our future projections. They provide us stepping stones to reach our peak. Don’t sell yourself short by giving up in difficult times. Remember these four solutions, so that success finds itself knocking on your door.

As we go through our daily lives we often take out our anger and frustrations on waitresses, clerks, telemarketers, family members, and friends.  Though we all are feeling the tight grip the recession is having on our morale; somehow people are lashing their inner feelings outward.  These lashings appear through outbursts during important speeches, on TV during ceremonies, and even during a transaction at your local grocer.  People have not found a medium to relinquish their frustrations.  So how is that we can recover from this recession depression?

Step 1 is acknowledgement.  Noticing that you or a friend/family member is having difficulty staying positive is important.  Admitting to one-self their negative/pessimistic views of the world and life today is difficult, especially for those who often see the positive in their daily life.  Be attuned and when someone addresses their concern of the negative views, listen and thank someone for being honest with you.

Step 2 is motivation.  Find a medium that produces motivation in your life to begin seeing things positive.  Recessions occur cyclically, and we must understand that they will come again.  We need to find something that can help us see through the gray tunnel vision; that motivates us to continue as before, and continue to grow our lives.

Step 3 is change.  Treat people in a positive light and make the change you would like to see in the world.  Thank someone for their customer service time, give an extra tip to a waitress or provide a positive comment on their service abilities, and tell someone you are grateful for their friendship.

Each of us is affected by the global recession.  Positively, it has provided unemployed workers and opportunity to start a business or change careers.  Positively, it has provided more time at home to enjoy relationships and child raising.  Positively, it has provided a global challenge that must be faced head-on, and gives us experience to tackle life’s challenges and move forward.  If you feel that you cannot follow the aforementioned steps on your own, it is always important to discuss your options with a trusted friend or a mental health professional.  The recession will end sooner than many forms of depression.  Now is the time to take the steps to cure your recession depression.

I found a few videos regarding violence and anger, and perhaps you may find it useful in managing your life or helping someone on the road to managing theirs.

Anger & Violence 1

Anger & Violence 2

Anger & Violence 3

One of my good friends loves her To Do list.  Recently I asked, what is it about the list that you like so much? She stated, “I like crossing things off, it gives me satisfaction.” I have found that this is a similar statement by most people with a To Do list.  But, sometimes this friend uses the To Do list as an excuse.  I can’t go with you to ________… I have a lot to do and my list is not getting any shorter…I really should catch up on my To Do list…I have so much on my To Do list, it’s really stressing me out! Her To Do list sits on her desk.  When she eats breakfast by the computer, browses the internet, or plays computer games; the To Do list is staring her down.  Her To Do list is also on her cellular phone.  She can access it 24 hours a day, from anywhere; and best yet, she can show it off to others for proof that she has a lot to do. Clearly, her To Do list has become her foe.

So how do we manage our To Do lists?  My remedy is by using two mediums for keeping track.  For tasks that require immediate attention, I give them immediate attention.  There is no time, like the present, to accomplish things that need to be completed.  Procrastination is anyone’s enemy; and it should not be in one’s vocabulary.  Tasks which are recommended for completion–mowing the lawn, cleaning out the garage, washing the car, buying a wedding gift; I place on my weekly calendar, one event per day, randomly.  This means, I don’t assign a certain task for certain days, I merely start with the first item that comes to mind, and I plan to do it on Monday.  Weather permitting, I fulfill the task.  If I cannot complete the task, it goes on the list for the following Monday.  Also, I do not write the list down and place it in many rooms in my home.  I also do not use sticky notes; as they are a waste to the environment.  I use my cellular phone to keep track of my items to do.  Furthermore, I find it important to think that the items on the To Do list are suggestions. If a friend wants to get together for dinner, or a show I really want to see is coming up at the local theatre, or I just need some time with the significant other; the To Do list is always my back-up plan, my last resort.

The second piece of advice which I find very helpful; after writing your task down on the To Do list, don’t think about it.  What is the point of having a To Do list, if you are going to think about it on a daily basis?  We write things down so that we don’t have to think about them anymore, but so that we can refer back to when the information is needed.  Also remember, everyone has a To Do list.  We all have tasks needed for completion, and sometimes we can find a friend or two to complete tasks with; because the items are also on their lists.  Make an outing with your To Do lists.

To Do lists can really get us into trouble.  Deadlines for completion are important, but remember, so is your daily life.  Living in the moment is less stressful than attempting to complete items on a To Do list which are difficult.  I often recommend that people learn to live simply, in that allow yourself the opportunity to become organized with a To Do list; but don’t allow the To Do list to organize you.

This is a message I often promote when working with clients to help grow their life.  We often want quick results, without having to work very hard.  I recently listened to a discussion about how American’s don’t want to be inconvenienced.  The same moral applies; we don’t want something that takes to much time and energy.

Here’s an example:  College education is generally a four year course.  Conducting research, taking examinations, interviewing, group work, internships, and late night studying; are all characteristics of a four year college.  But, the recent trend is to receive a college degree in half the time.  (Generally speaking)  I am not discrediting the opportunity of taking classes online affords many Americans; I merely point out that we have tried to convenience our college education.   But, what is missed in the online course scenario is The Climb.

It begins with the tour of the campus.  Meeting new freshman at orientation or meeting your advisor to complete your course schedule.  Then you learn about the dormitories or other housing options by visiting a landlord or housing authority.  Soon after you are placing an ad for a roommate or meeting your dorm roommate.  After school begins, you begin the “freshman adjustment” to your new life with your new friends.  You may fall in love, you might find a new best friend, and you may even join a few organizations.  All of these events can build skills for your future life.  Each activity is a new lesson to be learned.  But, we often find ourselves not recognizing the necessity and rewards of the difficult climb.

Here’s a freebie seedling:  Write down a difficult event that occurs to you in a journal.  Discuss your feelings before, during, and after the event.  Explore the feelings you could or would have wanted to feel before, during, and after the event.  Lastly, write down the lesson you learned from the event; so that in the future, you will retain the lesson and use it to make your climb easier.  Don’t believe it works?  Try it for a month and let me know your reactions.

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of hearing The Climb by Miley Cyrus, here is a link to her video and the lyrics.  I hope it inspires you to enjoy the path you are on and the obstacles that come before us.

Video: The Climb

Lyrics: The Climb

Here is an example of the control self-talk can have on our lives:

The most sought after advice or counseling is related to relationships.  People worried that their significant other is unfaithful, that they are ignoring them, or that they themselves are not good enough for the person they are with.  Let’s follow the route of self-talk as it formulates and ends with self-damaging effects.

Chris and Aaron went on a date to a restaurant.  Both found one another attractive, funny, down-to-earth, charming, and good company.  Chris called Aaron the following afternoon to say that the time had was “fantastic, and that they should do it again soon.”  Aaron doesn’t call or text Chris back for the entirety of the day.  Chris gets home from work and thinks “its okay, they are probably busy, maybe they didn’t get the message, we’ll see if they call tomorrow; gosh what a great time we had!”

The following day, Chris has a difficult time with a task at work.  Checking the voicemail every so often, there still is no word from Aaron.  Chris decides to tell a co-worker at lunch about Aaron.  Chris goes on and on about the wonderful evening, giving details about the conversations had and the overall impressions.  Chris explains to the co-worker that they left a message yesterday and has not heard from Aaron.  The co-worker at first tells Chris that “They are probably just busy.”  Chris then rebuttals, “Well I am busy too, but I still had time to pick up the phone and call.”  The co-worker responds, “You’re right, maybe they aren’t worth it.”

Chris goes back to work and begins thinking about the last thing the co-worker said; “maybe Aaron isn’t worth it.”  Chris spends the remainder of the day with tasks at work.  On the way home, traffic is terrible and Chris is filled with anger.  Chris starts thinking, “why hasn’t Aaron called, I thought they really liked me, I thought I was smart and funny, but maybe Aaron isn’t worth it; oh but Aaron is, I know Aaron is, but maybe not, or maybe its something I did, maybe there’s something wrong with me?” Chris arrives at home and watches some TV.  The entire night of TV is comprised of a little laughter and then Chris’s self-talk, “I should call Aaron, why not?  I mean, maybe Aaron didn’t get the message, maybe I dialed the wrong number, maybe something happened?  No I really shouldn’t, Aaron will call me.”

By the end of the next work day, Chris is fuming about the fact that Aaron has not called yet.  Chris decides to “write off” Aaron, deleting the phone number from the cellular phone, and thinking, “just ridiculous, I am better than that, Aaron shouldn’t have treated me like that, I thought this might work.  There must be something wrong with me.” When Chris finally receives a call from Aaron, or attempts to go on another date, Chris will ultimately still have recollections of this process, and continue to think damaging thoughts.

Self-talk can be so damaging to our confidence and self-esteem, that we can fall into depression, garner mood swings, and lead to suicide attempts.  Suicidal thoughts occur when the over-bearing self-talk becomes so negative, that there is no positive talk occurring.  Self-talk that is negative can also cause increased anxiety and stress; and can lead to stress induced complications.  Examples of stress induced complications include; weight gain, heartburn, stress headaches or migraines, ulcers, illness, and increased blood pressure.

So how can we harness our self-talk positively and be successful?  It starts with a new attitude.  Everything in life always has two sides.  Some may be the lesser of two evils, but there are two options.  Similarly in Ireland, many have said, “It could be better, could be worse.”  Changing our attitude begins with finding the lesser of the two evils or seeing the positive in each situation.  Take Chris and Aaron for example.  Chris could have used the time worrying about whether Aaron would call, to complete additional work.  Chris could have had a constructive conversation with the co-worker that could have led to a sales lead or networking opportunity.  Chris could have gone home and enjoyed a night alone and watched a great TV series.  Chris could have remembered that life is very busy, can get away from us, and that Chris is worth Aaron’s call back.

Secondly, self-awareness about the negative self-talk in our thoughts, can help maneuver it out of our way.  When a thought occurs that is negative, write it down on a piece of paper.  Next to or below the thought, write a positive thought 3 times.  Repeat the positive thought 3 times, and explore why it is you would think negatively about yourself, and promise that you are going to tell yourself the positive thought next time.

Lastly, realize your own potential.  If Chris had higher self-esteem, the negative self-talk may not have occurred.  If Chris truly thought that the date went well, Chris would not have any doubt that Aaron would call.  Chris would also know that if Aaron didn’t call, there must have been something Aaron didn’t like, but that that is OK; because Chris really likes who they are inside.  Chris would continue to use the opportunity of the date, to grow in interpersonal skills and further enhance conversation for subsequent dates.

Remember that self-talk is difficult to harness.  Realize your potential, be self-aware of the negative thoughts, and find a positive attitude or side in everything.  You can learn to harness your thoughts and be successful.