Legitimate-expressive is the belief that a person gains pleasure and feels it is better to exert physical violence outward to solve issues.  Legitimate-instrumental is said to be “culturally accepted,” usually in forms of spanking or controlling behavior used in punishment.  Illegitimate-instrumental is usually culturally condemned, and the person committing the violence does so to prevent other bad behavior from occurring.  Lastly, illegitimate-expressive involves expressing anger outwardly without personal reasoning.

There are warning signs within these continua which make one family more prone to violence than another.  When a family member utilizes physical violence outward to solve issues, the amount of time the family spends together can increase the risk of violence outbreaks.  Additionally, the interactions between family members will often be emotionally charged and power struggles between members will create unbalance.  In return, the violent member of the family will feel justification for lashing out physically toward another member.  Sometimes this will occur with physical punishment such as spanking, often spanking will consist of 5 or more contacts to the child, with or without the use of objects.  A general rule of thumb when disciplining using spanking (if you feel this course of discipline benefits your family) is to keep clothing on, not exposing the buttocks, and the number of spanks equals the age of the child.  Spanking should never occur before age 2 as a child does not understand consequences and reasoning behind cause and effect.

Warning Signs -Spanking which bruises or leaves marks on the body – Hitting to the head or face, including tugging or pushing – Aggressive shoving or throwing of household objects – Slamming doors or furniture into a loved one – Telling other family members that “the person is in charge, and they control or make the decisions” – Violence or aggression occurs after alcohol consumption and an increase in violent episodes increases over time – Controlling phrases or behaviors which take away freedoms of other family members – False attempts or raising hands to someone as a threat – Verbal or psychological abuse which degrades other family members

These warning signs are some examples of the thousands that may exist within different family environments, family stressors, cultural make-ups, and attitudes of people.  If you feel you or someone you know is at-risk for family violence, contact your local domestic violence shelter or community resource, or telephone a domestic violence hotline.  No one deserves to be treated as lesser than another.

Family Violence across the Lifespan, (2005) Barnett, O ; Miller-Perrin, Cindy L. ; Perrin, Robin D.

All three of these resolutions are great goals for anyone to accomplished. But, a recent online survey indicated, only 42% of resolutions made, are successfully completed. The #1 reason stated as to why the resolution was accomplished: “I sought a professional service to aid me in attaining my goals.”

What is the cause of so many shortfalls in resolution completion? It generally begins with a resolution which may be un-reachable from the beginning. It continues with lack of motivation by friends or family, and regression to prior habits. Does this mean we are all doomed? No. It means that there are simple solutions to help you attain your goals and fulfill your New Year Resolutions.

Solution 1 – Develop a timeline of resolution completion. Recognize that change in habits: eating, smoking, work-out routines, socializing; take a substantial amount of time and conviction.

Solution 2 – Develop resolutions as a pair or with a group. Having partners who vow to attain similar goals, can help in motivation and accountability. Make each resolution personal (such as # of lbs. to be lost), as each person has different limits and capabilities.

Solution 3 – Recognize your resources. You may be able to go to the gym everyday and set a workout plan, but did you find out how to effectively burn the most calories based on your metabolic heart rate? Did you research stretching and warm-up techniques that don’t cause injuries, thus ending your efforts? Search out the experts in the field, buy a book, and read different articles so that you are best equipped to make the most of your time spent.

Solution 4 – Seek out professional guidance. Quitting smoking, gambling, and drinking, are not easily attainable without medical devices and proper therapeutic interventions. It is a rarity when someone quits “cold turkey”.  There may also be substitutions made for the habit, such as binge eating, elevation in stress levels, or dangerous activities.  Having a professional assisting you can enhance your abilities to attain your goals, and keep you well-monitored.

Goals are important in keeping us in-line for our future projections. They provide us stepping stones to reach our peak. Don’t sell yourself short by giving up in difficult times. Remember these four solutions, so that success finds itself knocking on your door.